Funerals are not Nightclubs


Recently, I attended a funeral for a man who had taken his own life.

I didn’t know this man except through the eyes of his Love; they had been together for over twenty years. As the service began, the family entered the room, which took nearly two minutes, as they were such a large group.  The room was full of people—coworkers, friends, and supporters.

I have never been more thankful to be wearing the right thing.

You may be thinking, “Well, that’s shallow. A person dies and you’re thinking about clothes.”

Rachel Zoe says, “Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.” Language that doesn’t require words becomes even more important in times when words fail us, such as the passing away of a fellow human being. And just as important as knowing what to say is knowing when to say it (and knowing when not to).

I want my clothes to say, “I mourn with you. I am here to support you.”

There is a time to express every inch of our personality in our clothing. A time to push boundaries, and to be audacious. To be colorful and light. A memorial service is not that time.

When we attend a memorial service, our attire should be deferent to the family and the deceased. Dark colors should prevail and conservative cuts should be worn (yes, I know that dress is black, but is it the same one you wore to the club last night? Then no.). Jewelry should be conservative and kept to a minimum (or nonexistent). This is not the time to try out those fuchsia heels you’ve been dying to wear.

Everything about your personal appearance should be curated to avoid drawing attention to yourself. In fact, throughout the rest of the day, at least one person should ask you, “Are you going to a funeral?” It should be that evident.

Side note: If, by any chance, you are reading this and are considering making plans to leave this world, please stay with us. There are people here who love you–even if right now it doesn’t seem like anyone cares, I promise you, they do. Talk to someone. Get help. We need you here.


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